Jealousy

i miss you and i decided to log in to your fb.
and guess what i saw.
still those same old albums but none of it has me in it.
and those comments your friends left.
kept me thinking.
that you probably had done something nice to your exs that i did not get.
i know its immature for me to get jealous, i know i am getting jealous outta nothing at all.
after all, i am the one on your relationship status and i am the one who got your "forever and ever"
and i also know im the one you are going to put the ring on.
but still i CANNOT take it sial.
sibeh gaowei sial like a seriously.
you always asked if you were the one i love the most outta all my boyfriends.
im going to tell you now "YES".
you are.
i love you the most outta all my boyfriends.
i made two decisions before but after i met you, i knew my past decisions were wrong and i am glad i did not do it, twice some more.
after i met you, i knew and i realised how i havent been feeling love from my heart and with my heart.
i totally forgot about it.
and now, i feel, i really felt it, that you love me from the bottom of your heart.
 this is the difference how you always ask me why.
Because with you, i feel with my heart and i feel from my heart.
And how i know that you are the last person i am going to say " i love you " and to give my forever to.

no mater how hard life gets, how many obstacles we have to go through, how many flower blossoms you are going to get along in life, i will be here, i will be there, to wipe your sweat when life gets hard, wipe your tears when we fight , kill those flower blossoms with a shot gun. i will be the one, who will hold your hand when you are on a hospital bed and tell you i love you even when you had no more teeth or hair. i will be the one who will catch you when you fall back and i will be the one who will be your breath of life.

I LOVE YOU.
you mend my broken heart and pieced it back into a whole.
i take it that i have never had any ex boyfriends before.
you are my first love and my forever love besides wang lee hong, haha.
just joking, cuz u made me jealous now im getting back at you.

promises are meant to be kept, dont break them.

you are my world , don't leave or i will lose my breath of life Arthur.

I tell too many stories, probably one day all my stories will ruin my life.
you just needed one bloody mistake to ruin your entire life.
And sometimes i think i should stop what i am doing, my capability seriously amazed myself sometimes.
Because i saw those things that i am not supposed to see.
That's why i am telling you my story hoping it will lead you to tell your story to me.
But still, you denied, you didnt want to tell at all.
So be it, its the past after all.
i shouldnt have seen it.

Is it a mistake that i am making now?
Should we just end it here?
because we are both afraid of getting hurt?

but afraid of getting hurt and stop trying, is that fair to us?

My first and super long post

Ta Dah, i am back to blogging.
which is i dont understand why.
haha, perhaps i just dont want my boyfriend to read other girl's blog but my blog, how selfish am i, but that's just me, no choice :)

back when i had www.staciy.blogspot.com i was earning near to 3k with my nuffnang, and it got hacked damn it. and then i came up with www.staciy-godlike.blogspot.com also kena hacked, these people too free lor. and then i had www.your-bleeding-wrists.blogspot.com together with a sad love story.

And yes, everything bad has end, or at least i hoped.
and yes i created this blog with a story to tell...

i still had my bleeding wrists blog of course just that i took it out of blogger, it is not to reminise but to remind myself of my failures and mistakes. and because i can write i have decided to come back to writing then to rant it on all my social media apps.
i used to blog for people to see, its because i know everyone who knows me and who don't know me reads it and of course my enemies too, thats why i blog with a lil bit of conceitedness and a little bit holding back afraid of how people might look at me.
but as times pass, as i grow older, i dont really care much hw people look at me, i am me, like it or not.

i have so much to say to everybody but each time when i open my mouth nothing came out. so here it is now :

i know alot of people are hoping i will come back to blogging like Qy and a few more so must read lor hor now can kaypoh here already lol, and hopefully bring me some traffic so i can earn more moolahs.

when i had my bleeding wrists blog i wrote a post in search of my perfect boyfriend. i had 36 conditions on how to be my perfect boyfriend, i was so desperate to have someone take over ZC's position in my heart , i fall in and out of relationships faster than you can wash your plate. but because of my desperate search , i neglected that true love can only be felt from the heart. And then i met GW in 2009 and i stupidly desperately fell in love with him. many people i know disapproved of it, telling me how mismatched we were but i turn a deaf ear to all the warnings deceiving myself that he was the "one".
after 2 years of the relationship i had enough of everything. he did not give me anything in the relationship but tears and agony and sorrow that i had to bear myself. On 12-04-2012, i decided that everything has to come to an end. after the broke up i got so lost, landed in a million debts and a lost home and no one to fall back on to except yufeng. i can remember that bloody night when i had all my luggages sitting alone until stacey and jam arrived and yufeng and long quan who came back from KL just for me.

during those years of relationship i had with GW, i lost so many good and steady friends along the way, but luckily i still have my 8 bffs and my bunch of MKs. i lost myself, my motivation, my determination together with my confidence.

my faith for love, my confidence of myself has totally gone down the drain.

after the break up, i had my bestest friends with me but deep in my heart i knew it wasnt enough, it was different from what i wanted. a part of me lost faith in guys and love, but a part of me still believe in love. but i told myself i wont search for it , i will just wait patiently for love and my perfect boyfriend to come around.

and it seems like my perfect boyfriend was around in a corner all these years in disguise as a friend. :)

on 22-05-2012 we decided to publicize our relationship on all the social media apps.
and i am again in a relationship but with Mr Arthur Lim this time round.
Mr bf is younger (right i can imagine QY sitting down reading this and say "cb staciy 吃嫩草 again!!")
HAHAHAHA!

and yes! this is another how we got together post !!! HAHAHA! eh why the font suddenly change by itself? KNN!
even blogger also know i now blogging another story thats why change font. LOL

i really can remember every single detail should i blog it out or not? 
NO! i guess not !
HAHAHA!
but alot of people want to know about this story leh.

i will blog about this get together story some other day when i really super free.
here is 4 best shots from may to august 2012 to end the post.

 

must stay tune to my blog it might be updated daily! 
might be only, no promises!